Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
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I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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