The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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