By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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