So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
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I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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