Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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