I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
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I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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