I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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