hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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