HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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