The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
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iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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