just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
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she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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