Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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