Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize