He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
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Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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