My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize