dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize