OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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