my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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