I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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