I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
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Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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