I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
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gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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