Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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