just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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