i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize