I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize