Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
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and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
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I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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