I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
3pm strippers are depressing
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
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I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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