Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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