You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
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We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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