it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
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You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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