Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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