I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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