I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
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found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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