I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
there is glitter all over my balls
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