Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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