Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize