The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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