After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
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took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
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Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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