you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
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No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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