I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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