yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
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"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
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