There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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