i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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