I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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