I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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