I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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