it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
