hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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