I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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