guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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